There’s no point in being proud to be Asian as a half-Asian

The entire point of being Asian is to NOT be Asian. So obviously, being half-Asian is just one step closer to “removing Asianness.”

That’s why most half Asians have a parent who was self hating, because they did not want to be Asian.

It’s not rocket science.

On top of being severely bullied by non-Asians, Asians I’ve met are also severely self hating. When you complain, they call you “white,” then go on to bully you for being an Asian appearing Asian male. The point isn’t to be half-Asian, but to be WHITE. To Americanize ourselves, Anglicize, whatever.

A lot of the things I’ve heard from my Asian family are shocking. Stuff like “I’m going to kiss every white person when I get back to NYC from China.” (An Asian woman said this; NYC is like 40% white). “You need to use your white privilege to take advantage of these Chinese people. (My uncle said this).

When I complain about my mother basically committing suicide to get away from my Nazi sympathizing far right dad, I get told that I’m white and that it’s not a big issue.

If you ever meet a half-Asian and wonder why he or she behaves in the manner he does, it’s because of this dynamic. We aren’t as a whole proud to be Asian, we wish we were white, just as our parents did. Ironically, a self-hating Asian person is even more fiercely pro white than most racist white people are. Half-Asians, often with white dads (but sometimes with white mothers) go out of their way to establish themselves as super-duper white, regardless of whatever this implies. Some double, triple, quadruple down on the racism against other ethnic minorities or Asians, or even half-Asians. I’m pretty sure Elliot Rodger probably would have shot Asian looking half-Asians too. I swear to God above, the next generation of hardcore legitimate white supremacists are all going to be mixed race.

On top of this all of the Asian women in my family admit they didn’t love their white husbands, but only cause they married them to give me a “better life.” This is dumb. It’s nihilistic. If love doesn’t exist, then there is no point in participating in the world. It’s the only positive in a world that is already cutthroat and filled with interpersonal warfare. It’s also heinous to encourage a biracial person to deny half of himself, to win favor from people who already hate you. Life shouldn’t be about heinous acts to simply survive, but it is. I guess that’s what my problem has always been – an unwillingness to partake in the heinousness. I like myself, have always been filled with love, but I have no desire to be here, because the world and its mechanisms do not fit with who I am. The world is not who I am.